KatherineJane

It hit me as the subway screeched to a stop below Central Park.  The news didn’t literally hit me of course, I’d known for a few days.   But the emotion hit me.  I think I realized what it meant, that you were really gone.  I’ve used the phrase “never see him again” many times on account of being on the cusp of graduation from high school and freshman year of college, but as that subway pulled up, I realized that I will literally never see you again, and it’s not by choice.

I’m not saying that we were very close, or that I knew you more than your other classmates, but we did know each other in that drunken Saturday night and weekday lunch kind of way.  I knew you enough to try and talk to you solely en français to attempt to improve my slang.  I knew you enough to say that you were a good guy. 

I don’t believe in heaven, but I really do wish I could say, “You’re in a better place.”  Honestly I don’t believe anything very complex about death; it’s simply the end of someone’s story.  So what do your final pages mean to the rest of us?  Those of us who will return to school in few days.  Without you.  Should we change how we’re living?  Should this shock us into the realization that we must use our numbered days to make those who love us and ourselves happy?  Should we cherish all of those relationships that we still have, even the smallest ones?  I’ve never been optimistic about changes like that, unless they are implemented slowly throughout a long period of time.  I think a simple goal for all of us may be to get to know each other a little better, to smile at a few more people, to sing just a little bit louder.

Thank you for your friendship, especially the support you gave to EJ, Emmett, and Patrick.  Thank you for your sparse French lessons. 

Nous pensons à toi.